Phew! It has been two years!
Heaven knows all I intended to do was write, but I quickly got hit by the most frustrating part of this craft…. writer’s block!
I started this blog with so much excitement. I wrote down different topics that i intended to explore. I even had plans of inviting a guest blogger every now and then but whoosh!.. everything just seemed to be hanging after a few posts on the site. It looked like I lost my initial inspiration and the zeal to follow through.
I struggled so hard trying to analyse and overcome the issues that were stalling my progress. I can humbly say that I’ve never been a glutton for exposure and so sharing my posts became another problem entirely. I wrote but was very reluctant to share for proof-reading. Pride? Maybe..but I know I could have gotten at least, one person to be committed to that task. I could have…
I really thought I was up to this task! I tried screaming for help. I prayed. I considered talking to a few friends who could hold me accountable and ensure that I deliver weekly according to plan but that didn’t work either. I probably spoke to those who didn’t have the commitment or push that I needed. It wasn’t their fault.
The fact that no one was checking or asking about my blog made me relax even more. There was no pressure on me to deliver anything! But I became restless everyday. I longed to share my posts but more importantly, i needed to be sure they were ‘perfect’.
While searching through my mind for answers as to why I was experiencing a creative-slowdown, I remembered how I had done some formal writing so well in the past and even got an applause from my boss! I also recalled that my best expressions in certain situations have been through writing. I could easily forget certain things I planned to say if I had to speak publicly, but I never missed a thing if I had been able to put paper to pen!
It didn’t take me long to discover that I had been my own problem. My brain had become my limiting factor. It effectively talked me out of my own abilities. I was able to convince myself that my writings were not good enough until someone approves of it. My pride on the other hand was restricting me from sharing same with someone or anyone who would critically analyse or agree with my writing. I had been held down by my own chains.
Another thing I discovered is that my routines changed shortly after I started this blog but I didn’t make the necessary changes required on my part in order to maintain the flow of things. Firstly, my maid left and without thinking, I decided to stop employing a live-in maid. I employed a nanny that worked and left daily. All the spare time I enjoyed in the evenings before bedtime came to an end.
I knew that I needed to create more time during the day (or an entire day) for reading, writing and reflecting but I didn’t. My business took all the time. The little extra time I had was taken up by the kids and chores my nanny obviously couldn’t handle because she had to go home. Some days she didn’t even show up!
I was exhausted most of the time.
However, I have learnt to stop getting in my own way, push perfectionism aside, write a little at a time and publish anyway!…
The blog remains my responsibility and it requires hard work, sacrifices and prices that I must be willing to pay. If you have been like me in any way, I encourage you to rise up with me and accept the responsibilities that come with the success of a venture.
This is worth our while…
We finish what we start…
We do not place our hands on the plough and look back…